Values: Your Built-In Operating System (No, You Cannot Download an Update for Your Partner)

Values are basically the invisible rules you live by. The stuff that decides:

whether you return your shopping cart,

whether you apologize like a grown adult,

or whether you just quietly blame the universe.

They’re not fancy. They’re not complicated. But they matter… a lot.

Because here’s the deal:

If your idea of “respect” is “we talk things out,” and their idea of “respect” is “I go silent for six days and expect you to read my mind,”

you’re not in a relationship — you’re in an emotional escape room.

Values don’t need to be twins, but they should at least be friends.

Goals: The “Where the Hell Are We Going?” Part of Love

You’d be shocked how many couples love each other deeply…

and also have completely opposite visions of the future.

Like one person is imagining:

“Matching porch rocking chairs, vacations with grandkids, hot coffee, soft mornings.”

And the other is like:

“I want to move to a remote island with goats and no WiFi.”

These two people cannot build a life together.

One of them wants Cracker Barrel energy.

The other wants National Geographic chaos.

Shared goals don’t mean identical dreams — just compatible ones.

Like peanut butter and jelly, not peanut butter and gasoline.

What Happens When You Don’t Share Values or Goals?

You start having those weirdly specific arguments about things that shouldn’t even be arguments.

Suddenly you’re fighting about:

what “on time” means,

whether loyalty includes liking thirst traps on Instagram,

or why one person thinks buying a house is a priority while the other is saving up for a flamethrower.

(…yes, I’ve heard that one. No, they did not last.)

It’s not about the flamethrower.

It’s about the fundamentals.

How Healthy Couples Get It Together

1. They talk about values early on

And not in a weird “job interview” way.

Just normal conversations like:

“Hey, what matters to you in life?”

“How do you handle conflict?”

“Do you believe in returning the shopping cart?”

If they fail the shopping cart question, run.

2. They dream out loud

Not just “Do you want kids?”

More like:

“What kind of life feels really good to you?”

“Are you a chaos gremlin or a stability creature?”

Match your creatures.

3. They do reality check-ins

Because goals change!

One minute you’re like “city loft!”

Next minute you’re like “please put me in the woods with a book and no one speak to me.”

4. They don’t compromise on core stuff

I’m sorry, you cannot “compromise” on integrity.

You cannot “compromise” on respect.

This is not choosing a restaurant.

This is choosing your life.

At the End of the Day…

Shared goals and values won’t magically fix everything, but they’ll make your relationship feel less like a series of small emotional fires and more like two adults actually building something sustainable.

Chemistry makes you excited.

Shared values make you steady.

Goals give you direction.

And alignment?

That’s what keeps you from waking up one day thinking, “How did I end up here?”

Because love isn’t just about who makes your heart race.

It’s about who builds a life with you without driving you completely insane.